


Distance Could Be The Key

by maryhell



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 05:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10268945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryhell/pseuds/maryhell
Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid joins the Behavioural Analysis Unit and learns a few practical lessons in life. Will he cope or will it be too much for him? What will he do?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer. I do not own any characters in this story, only the plot.
> 
> Originally posted on fanfiction a long time ago.
> 
> Author’s Note:
> 
> I am going to assume that anyone reading is a fan of CM and familiar with the basics of most of the characters. I will not delve deep into some areas such as character descriptions – y’all know what they look like (if not, look them up online) and I won’t be changing anything about their physical looks. Their pasts, however, I have played with. Morgan didn’t get assaulted early in life and Reid hardly remembers his father and didn’t have his encounter with Tobias Henkle. JJ hasn’t met the love of her life yet, and remains communication liaison. Other little things are different too, but I’m not going to go into them all in this Author’s Note as it would give the story away.  
> This story doesn’t go into as much detail as my other stories due to the lack of research on my behalf. This is because this fic just wouldn’t shut up in my head, and I was too impatient, so I got it written down as quickly as I could, and it probably shows. Therefore, apologies in advance, for any disappointments or cock-ups.

**_Chapter 1 – Hello and goodbye_ **

Growing up, life was lonely for Spencer Reid. He could barely remember his father, therefore, his mother, Diana Reid, was his life—he adored her. When he had her committed to the sanatorium for schizophrenia, it was the most difficult thing he’d had to do. He beat himself up mentally for a long time, before and after the event, but thankfully, during one of her lucid moments, she understood why, and assured him that he’d done the right thing. Spencer wanted to stay close to his Mom, be there for her, but Diana told him that it would be a travesty to keep a brain such as his in one place and that he needed to go find a job that would keep it and him active.

Throughout his life, Spencer always tried to make his mom proud, so he stayed focused on his education. The ugly side of this meant that it earned him ultra-nerd status wherever he went. Unfortunately, along with that status, he received regular beatings for both his age and ability from people that didn’t consider him or his actions those that fit in with the norm. 

Reid knew the theory of social interaction, and despite many attempts at following the guidelines, he always failed. Thus, he became socially awkward, unable to grasp what to do for the best, warring between his brain and peer acceptance and the kick-backs it created. Hence, his trust was not something that was given freely.

Through FBI training, Reid discovered that his instructors were more interested in his brain than his inept attempts at peer interaction, as was always the way in recent years.

His FBI training had identified specific skills. He was an extremely adept psychological profiler, with strengths in; geographic profiling, cryptology, and discerning patterns. Dr. Spencer Reid had pretty much his choice of departments. He chose the Behavioral Analysis Unit because of the tests he was sure it would give him, both mentally and physically, and not in small part to the lobbying that Erin Strauss, the BAU’s Unit Chief, did to ensure he signed on the dotted line.

Spencer set foot in the BAU with an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and the ability to read 20,000 words per minute. He held doctorate degrees in Mathematics, Chemistry, and Engineering as well as Bachelor’s Degrees in Psychology and Sociology, and was studying for a Bachelor’s Degree in Philosophy, too.

Life for Spencer Reid had never been ‘normal’ and with his chosen career ahead of him, that wasn’t going to change any time soon

***

The day Dr. Spencer Reid stepped into the bullpen and his eyes fell on the perfect form of SSA Derek Morgan, he began an education of a different kind. To Spencer, SSA Derek Morgan had a softness about him, yet according to his file, was a hardened Chicago cop. His features were flawless and as soon as he stood to greet him, Spencer’s mouth went dry at the outstanding outline of the athletic Adonis before him. He was chocolate sauce without the calories. A delicious mug of coffee that was screaming to be drunk until every drop was drained. Spencer wanted to be the cream in Morgan’s coffee.

Seeing that he was a boy genius, he had the college education and then some. But it all happened at such a young age, he’d never old enough to really experiment, or even flirt, like other college kids. He wasn’t stupid, though; he knew himself and he knew his body. He wasn’t confused over which gender made his heart race—he’d known since puberty that chemical reactions happened at certain ages. The evidence in the journals was irrefutable and he accepted it.

At college, he had eyes, even if he didn’t interact. When looking at some males, his body felt things and had urges that didn’t happen when looking at females. He immediately researched what his body was feeling, much like an experiment, and given the data before him, agreed with the overwhelming conclusion that he was gay.

He kept this information to himself; not that there was anyone to share it with. No college kids were prepared to interact with a fourteen year old. During this time, he also discovered the delights of the five knuckle shuffle as a proven remedy of relieving tension. As soon as college was over, Spencer came out to his mom, who after questioning his reasoning –– given that he’d never been in a relationship –– agreed with his conclusions and accepted him with open arms. There was never any doubt that she would; he was the light of her life and always would be.

The education he was about to embark on was the one known as ‘Wandering Eyes’ and ‘Down Boy’. He weighed up his options. He considered shutting himself in the bathroom, or keeping his eyes closed, but that would be a little too conspicuous. A more viable possibility would be to ensure there was no space between his desk and his stomach in the hope that the platform hiding his embarrassment wouldn’t rise off the floor. He had to come up with ways to deflate his body’s reaction to Derek Morgan.

So that the team would not suspect, Reid divided his attention equally between its members, who were at the time:

Aaron Hotchner – Senior Supervisory Agent and Unit Chief

Jason Gideon – Senior Supervisory Agent

Derek Morgan – Supervisory Special Agent and Tactical Trainer

Elle Greenaway – Supervisory Special Agent

Jennifer Jareau – Communications Liaison

Penelope Garcia – Technical Analyst

In the early months, Reid caught on to and used the fact that the team simply thought him as shy and a little weird. This gave Spencer the time he needed to find remedies to his ‘situation’. His messenger bag had the duel application of holding his files and covering any ‘reactions’. Over time, Reid found his comfort zone within the team. He could see that they accepted his ways, though occasionally,  it was difficult for them.

Efforts were made to include Spencer in their social and team-building gatherings. However, most of the time, he would end up somewhere else in the club with someone who insisted on testing his knowledge of Star Trek trivia. This often suited Reid as it allowed him to observe without getting involved. When he had enough, he’d usually sneak out of the door without saying goodbye.

The girls always stayed as a unit, arriving and leaving together. Aaron would only ever have one drink before leaving to go home to his family, Gideon never attended the club, and Morgan... well, he stayed until he picked up someone he wanted to spend the night and relieve some ‘tension’ with. Usually one, sometimes two females.

***

By the time a couple of years passed, Spencer made a niche for himself within team—it was almost unavoidable. It seemed to him that his brain was a valuable commodity and was put to good use. A good proportion of the work he found fascinating. He enjoyed finding the cracks in an unsub’s planning, finding the patterns they unknowingly made, or cracking the codes they cleverly left.

But, some of the gruesome sights they’d seen, investigated, and lived through also gave him and the team common ground. But it wasn’t the sort of common ground that could easily be lived with –– especially those involving children. Some experiences were close calls for the team as well as the unsub’s victims. On occasion they were too late, and these times weighed heavily on them all. Each had their own forms of unwinding. Spencer tended to write what he could in letters to his mom before visiting the zoo or going to see several films, sinking himself into an alternate universe for a while.

Eventually, Elle found it too much of a strain and left, to be replaced shortly after, by the rock steady SSA, Emily Prentiss. She, in Reid’s eyes, was by far the best at compartmentalization—very little fazed her. Everything about her screamed “Don’t mess with me.” Some thought she was hard, but she had a caring side to her nature which came out to play at various times.

Garcia, the tech wiz who truly was the font of all knowledge –– well, knowledge that could be found in electronic format –– called Reid her Little Boy Genius, despite the fact that he towered over her. Garcia could hack any system anywhere, and leave no trace that she’d ever been there. Reid found it as no surprise that she knew everything about him that could be found on record.

He was thankful, though, that she was a good enough colleague to keep it to herself, abiding by his wishes to keep some things private—especially details of his mother and family situation. He would protect his mom at all costs. He also did everything he could to keep his sexual orientation out of the public forum. He made sure all those feelings were locked away behind several invisible brick walls. He was determined to keep some things private, because at times he felt like a shop where people came, took what they want, then left.

Despite trying to surreptitiously keep his distance, he found himself drawn to Morgan. In many ways, it was impossible to avoid him, despite the fact that his heart ached at every encounter. The guy considered himself team protector and friend to all, unless you were the unsub; then, not even God could help.

He lived up to that reputation too, being friendly and huggy with everyone within the team, except for Hotch—no one hugged Hotch intentionally. Aaron Hotchner stayed the steadfast, loyal to a fault, head of the team. The man that kept them all focused and ready for action.

Reid found it weird and yet not unwelcome when Morgan invaded his personal space. It wasn’t something he was used to from anyone but his mother.

Morgan affectionately called Reid ‘Pretty Boy’, and frequently ruffled his hair with a smile and mirth in his tone. Reid had no idea why. He didn’t do it to the girls. Maybe they’d shoot him if he ever messed with their carefully preened styles. Perhaps Morgan saw him as the child of the group. The girls definitely liked to coddle him; it seemed that he brought out their mothering instincts. This irked him at times, but he didn’t say anything... he always kept non-work related thoughts to himself.

The more Reid got to know Morgan, the more he liked him. As a result, the more his heart broke.  Working daily with someone you had feelings for took its toll on his soul. What he thought was initially infatuation, he knew was turning into something more, but week after week he’d see Morgan score at a club, never leaving alone, never leaving with him. He knew Morgan was the one person he would never have. Reid also resigned himself to the fact that he just might get the record for being the oldest living virgin—discounting those that made it a life choice.

Reid’s privacy meant everything to him, but part of him wanted to shout out his frustrations to the world. An even bigger, more powerful part of him constructed another wall. Despite all this protection, things were starting to get him down. He knew how to put on a face, though; he’d been doing it all his life.

Reid, along with the rest of the team, was shocked when Gideon decided he wanted to get away from it all and left. He’d always considered Gideon to be the one that could most successfully get inside the unsub’s head. Spencer tried to put himself into his colleague’s shoes, and came to the conclusion that Gideon simply didn’t want to see through the eyes of an unsub any more. His skill was different to Reid’s; Reid was primarily analytical, problem solving to the nth degree, whereas Gideon tended to mind-meld with the unsub. It was no wonder he needed time out.

***

Reid eventually found a true friend and father figure in the man that replaced Gideon; David Rossi - author and man of the world. His books were considered essential reading for anyone interested in criminology, let alone profiling. He’d been there, seen it, done it, and bought the T-Shirt. He lay somewhere between Gideon and Reid. He had an analytical mind, but was able to get inside the head of the unsub as well.

Reid got on very well with Rossi, having many debates and discussions on his theories. He knew that the older agent didn’t have any offspring and he was happy to let Rossi treat him like the son he never had. The young agent was over the moon to have someone in his life that acted like a father. Reid let Rossi take him under his wing. After a while, Reid opened up to him about anything and everything, and even came out of the closet to him.

Rossi never forced any information out of Reid; it was all given voluntarily. Reid did, however, keep his growing feelings for Morgan out of it. Rossi never made a joke of him going off on a ramble. If Reid needed to be shut up, he did it with respect. Whenever he could, he took the time to listen, and when he couldn’t, he always came back to the conversation later. There was nothing sexual about their friendship, just one based on mutual respect and a need of sorts, almost symbiotic. Rossi always wanted a son and Reid, deep down, wanted a father.

Reid noticed that Morgan took a while to warm up to Rossi. On one occasion, he took Reid to one side and questioned him about his relationship with the much older agent, but backed off when Reid told him that Rossi was like the father he never had. After that, Morgan tried to talk to Reid about family and friends, asking many questions, but Spencer expertly diverted those conversations in a bid to keep his private life, private. A voice inside him told him not to get too close, as he would never survive the rejection.

Sometimes he had interactions with Morgan that caused his thoughts to veer toward what he was convinced would never be, but he put it down to rose-colored glasses and wishful thinking. He wanted to let Morgan in, but after everything was said and done, he was the nerd with the brain that everyone wanted. No one wanted to know Reid the person, except for Rossi that is, and most definitely no one on the known planet wanted Reid in a sexual way. He knew statistics could prove that theory wrong, but in Reid’s universe, he considered it to be true.

***

Through Rossi’s friendship, and the knowledge he gained within the BAU, Spencer became an excellent and experienced agent, willing and able to put his life at risk for the safety of others and the team. On several occasions, he talked down an unsub through his logical arguments and quick thinking, even though logic in the traditional sense was far from an unsub’s mind. Reid was able to adapt his logic to that of the unsub and was thus successful.

Most of his triumphs with unsubs lay in the interrogation room, where only the power of the brain came into play.  Out in the field, however, it was a different matter. When it came to enforcing the strong arm of the law, he was still considered the baby of the team. He was protected and treated as such by all except Rossi, and to a degree Hotch, but even he bowed to the strengths of the individuals in the team, which was understandable.

***

There had been three particularly bad cases in quick succession –– all brutal and all involving children. Reid, along with everyone else, felt wiped out. It took a particularly bad toll on the youngest member of the team, and Reid could almost visualize the looks of concern bouncing off his invisible walls. During the final flight home, he curled up in a corner, closed his eyes, and retreated into his head. He didn’t even let Morgan or Rossi in; when they tried, he ignored all their efforts.

The cases sent him into a tailspin, making him evaluate how he saw the world. He knew he was doing a good job and making a difference –– he was proud of that –– but at what cost to his own sanity? It affected all agents in different ways. How would it affect him? What would happen to his mom if he lost it?

On landing early in the morning, Hotch announced that they could all have a week off. Reid almost ran from the plane, immediately returning to his apartment. He packed a fresh bag and boarded the next available flight to Vegas to see his mom. He would never leave without someone knowing where he was, so he sent a quick text off to Rossi telling him his destination, knowing that he would keep it quiet, and only letting the information out in the case of an emergency. He then turned off his phone until further notice.

When he reached his mom, he broke down in tears. He needed help sorting out his thoughts. Diana held her son and let him weep. During the following three days, Diana kept lucid enough to let Spencer talk out everything to her. He told her about how the last cases really got to him, and that his compartmentalizing was failing, resulting in headaches. He realized then that the darkness invading his mind hadn’t begun or ended with the last three cases; it crept up on him like a slow moving mist. It was, however, the last three cases that compounded the images and feelings.

During the verbalization of his thoughts and fears, he confessed his feelings toward Morgan. How he knew it would never go anywhere, given that everything he witnessed and heard, screamed the guy was a straight, alpha male. He proved it every Friday night.

Reid listened as Diana gave him all the assurances only a mother could. She told him how pure of mind and beautiful he was. She advised him of his options, then told him that no matter what he decided or where he was, she was always only a flight, phone call, or letter away. That she was always with him in heart, if not always in person, and that she would enjoy hearing of his adventures, no matter where they be. Whatever his decision regarding his future, it would be his choice and she’d support him.

Four days into his leave, Reid returned home. His brain hadn’t stopped thinking over everything his mother said to him. One thing in particular had struck a chord... He knew what he had to do; he had to find himself. Discover who he, Spencer Reid—not just Dr. Spencer Reid—really was, give himself memories other than statistics or pictures of death. Give his brain more places to retreat to.

For the last five years, Spencer hadn’t done anything with his earnings except pay his and his mother’s bills and save the rest. He had enough to go on an adventure of self-discovery, and he was going to do it student-style; backpacking. This method also ensured that a little money went a long way. Part of him was afraid, but a bigger part of him was excited, looking forward to experiencing for himself the things he’d read in books. He would miss his books, but there were libraries around the world.

Spencer decided that there was no time like the present, so he wrote his mother a letter, and packed. As he was about to leave his apartment, he turned his phone back on. The screen lit up with texts from the team, ten of which were from Morgan. They were all messages of concern for his wellbeing. Shedding a few tears at their kind sentiments, he was touched, but they didn’t know the real him. Which on reflection, was his choice.

As far as Spencer was concerned, he saw himself as one cog in a well-oiled machine. There were others that would fill his place. Maybe not in the same format, but he would still be replaced, as was the norm in all organizations.

 He didn’t see any problems in his departure. The girls would still have their private sorority, eventually finding someone else to mother. Hotch would still lead, efficiently and with focus. Rossi would understand, once he explained, and Morgan would still go to bars and pick up whatever female caught his eye. Not seeing Morgan every day would break his heart, but it was breaking anyway, so he might as well leave, in the hope that time and space would give him peace.

He turned the phone off. Considering the wording on the texts from Garcia, he knew she would be tracking his signal and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want any barriers to stop him doing what he needed to do. The fact that his signal briefly went live meant that she knew he was back in Virginia.

With his passport, money, and full backpack, the person he went to see was Rossi; to say his goodbyes and make a few extra arrangements. 

***

Rossi listened while Reid explained what he was doing and why. He agreed with Reid’s reasoning, thinking it to be a wise decision. Rossi always thought that travel broadened the mind and gave a person a better perspective on life.

Deep down, however, he knew that Reid was running from more than just the job. Reid never said anything, but he saw it in his eyes every time he looked at Morgan. He thought at times that Morgan noticed Reid in a non-professional capacity, but he was too busy proving his male prowess with his next conquest to see how much it hurt Reid. Unfortunately, Rossi knew that feelings were not always reciprocated. and that each individual had to deal with the consequences in their own way—one that was right for them.

Rossi considered himself to be Reid’s godfather. In a bid to keep in touch and look after the young man, he gave Reid a list of his properties around the world, telling him that he was welcome to stay at any of them for as long as he wished, as his guest. Rossi could see the appreciation in Reid’s face as he accepted the gesture, saying that he would probably take him up on at least couple of those offers, especially the ones in Italy and Greece.

With Dave’s help, the next person Spencer saw was Hotch. Rossi could relate to Reid’s reluctance to go into the office unless he had to, for fear of bumping into Garcia, who was sure to pump him for answers. So, Rossi arranged for Hotch to pay him a visit at his home. Using his BAU access codes, he downloaded the forms that would be required for Reid’s resignation to be complete.  Hotch being at Rossi’s made Reid comfortable enough to explain some of his reasons for leaving, though he didn’t go into as much detail as he had earlier.

***

Hotch wasn’t happy at Reid’s departure; he considered him a valuable member of the team. But seeing the resolve on the young agent’s face, had no choice but to accept it. Reid completed the paperwork in record time, as was his way.

Unfortunately, despite his efforts to avoid it, Spencer had to go into the office for a short while so that he could clear out his desk. Hotch took him in, with Rossi following. He still had to file the paperwork with Strauss, and he wanted to have a few private words of support and wisdom with Reid before he left for good.

While at Quantico, Spencer surrendered his ID and gun, retrieved a few things from his desk, and got under way as quickly as he could. He couldn’t help but shed a few tears en-route.

Just as he entered the elevator, he heard his name being called. Looking up, he saw Garcia and Morgan running towards him. Unable to speak due to the lump in his throat and the thundering in his heart, he gave them a small wave just as the doors closed with a thud.

“Goodbye, Morgan,” he whispered to himself.

Rossi was waiting outside to take Reid to the airport. While at his home, Rossi had booked Reid onto the next available flight out of the USA, which to his joy and relief, happened to be to Italy. While he was waiting, he called the housekeeper at his villa and made arrangements for Reid’s stay. He hoped Reid would spend a good while there gathering his thoughts, before setting off on his adventures.

***

Morgan and Garcia had both been worried about Reid’s state of mind, so she programmed her computer to ping as soon as Reid’s phone came back online, letting her know where the built-in locator placed Reid. As soon as it did, she called Morgan, who immediately went to Reid’s apartment, only to receive no answer at his door. Fearing the worst, he even picked the lock to gain access, but found the place empty. The boy had gone off the grid again and it frustrated him.

Despite Reid never ‘letting him in’ so to speak, he still felt protective of him. It was something that started the day he walked into the BAU, and grew over time.

Reid had disappeared so quickly after their plane landed, that he didn’t get the chance to see if he was okay. He and everyone on the plane could tell something was terribly wrong. The young genius, Morgan’s ‘Pretty Boy’ became quieter and more distant from the team with the passing of each recent case.  When asked about his wellbeing, his only reply was, “I’m fine, I have work to do”.  Reid was focused to the exclusion of all else during the investigations, and Morgan hoped that things would settle a little once the case concluded and they had some time off.

Unfortunately, despite all their efforts on the last case, things hadn’t ended well, resulting in the deaths of two more children before the unsub was finally apprehended. He intended to tackle Reid about it on their return, but during the flight, Reid tuned everyone out, including Rossi. Then, upon landing, by the time he picked up his bag and turned around, his ‘Pretty Boy’ was gone. Not only gone from the plane, but his apartment too, as Morgan discovered when he turned up there later that day, only to be told by the little old lady next door that Reid wasn’t at home. He originally figured that he’d give Reid time to sleep before turning up on his doorstep. What a miscalculation that was!

When Morgan spoke to Rossi, the cryptic answer of, ‘He’s gone to where he needs to be’, suggested Rossi knew where he was, but was keeping tight-lipped about the where, which got Morgan even more frustrated.

Penelope wasn’t much better. Guessing where Reid could have disappeared to, she checked airline passenger lists and knew that Reid had gone to Vegas. However, she couldn’t break a promise, not even for her Chocolate Stud Muffin, especially when she knew Reid would be safe with his mom. She gave Morgan the same answer that Rossi did. Morgan left the room with a growl and a slammed door.

Garcia knew ‘Boy Genius’ would come back in his own good time. When he did, he would turn on his phone to announce his arrival. What she didn’t expect was for him to disappear again, only to reappear briefly, before disappearing yet again as the lift doors closed on his small farewell wave. The box in his arms and the tears streaming down his face told her that this disappearance had the mark of permanence.

They both stood there for a minute, stunned, before Morgan suddenly darted for the stairs, his stomach churning. Something was telling him to run, and run fast.  He made it down to the parking garage in record time, but to no avail... Reid’s car was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t know that Rossi had been Reid’s quick getaway.

With a heavy heart weighing him down like lead shackles, Morgan returned to the office.

Upon his return, Penelope gave him the news that everyone had been called in. They both had an ominous feeling, but didn’t want to hear or believe it.

***

Aaron waited, quietly assessing his team as they gathered in the bullpen. Rossi and Reid were missing. Strauss was there, seriously pissed off at Aaron for accepting Reid’s resignation without consulting her. Aaron had been the buffer between them, taking the flack so that Reid wouldn’t be subjected to the bureaucratic bullshit that she was bound to spout. It was all he could do now for the youngest agent that had ever joined the BAU. 

Not wanting to wait any longer for Rossi, Strauss scathingly made the announcement that Dr. Spencer Reid had resigned, effective immediately, and that they had to choose a replacement from the files before them. She flew out on her broomstick as quickly as she’d flown in.

After a couple of minutes of silence, the questions and second guessing began. Aaron thought it best to let them all vent for a while before he cut in.

Why?

Why now?

Why didn’t he come to us?

I can’t believe he’s gone!

We can’t replace him.

At that moment Rossi walked in, and was greeted with a chorus of unbelieving, “Reid’s resigned.”

Aaron noticed that Rossi was emotional; he’d known him long enough to be able to differentiate between the looks of cool, pissed off, and a range of other expressions. However, to anyone else on the team, he was always the epitome of cool as a cucumber.

“I know,” Rossi answered evenly.

“How did you know?” Prentiss asked, confused. “You just got here.”

“I dropped him off at the airport.”

Then a barrage of questions hit him at once, all before Rossi even found his seat.

Rossi sat in silence until everyone calmed down. Dave never competed with babble.

JJ got the ball rolling by speaking up first. “Rossi, why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t know myself until today.”

Aaron caught the expressions that alerted him to Morgan’s anger just before he hissed, “Why didn’t you try to stop him?”

All attention was focused on Rossi, and he was confident that his friend would handle it in his own way. Happy to let him take over, Aaron sat back and watched events unfold.

“It wasn’t my place to try to stop him from doing what was right for him,” he answered, as though he was addressing a classroom of school children.

Prentiss seemed to have the more logical mind in the current situation, asking, “Why was it right for him?”

Morgan, still angry, spoke over her. “He shouldn’t have left without saying anything.”

 “He could have come to us.” JJ sounded hurt at Reid’s departure.

“Okay, okay, one at a time. He’s had a lot going on in his head recently. So much so, that it’s been giving him headaches. And, no, he couldn’t go to any one of you, because you don’t know him.”

“Yes, we do! He’s one of the team,” Prentiss sharply announced, clearly affronted by Rossi’s statement.

Rossi got out of his seat and quietly placed his hands on the desk before him. “NO. YOU. DON’T.”

It was one of the few times that Rossi actually raised his voice, and everyone around the table immediately became quiet. Dave knew Reid the best and he had something to get off his chest.

“Not one of you actually knew him outside of this job.”

“We tried, but he wouldn’t let us in,” Derek defensively offered.

Looking at Morgan, Rossi quietly emphasized his next words, “You didn’t try hard enough.”

Making eye contact with each of the agents in turn, he made his statement.

“I got to know more about him in my first twelve months than ANY of you bothered to find out in the five years that he was here.  And do you know what made the difference? Huh? I’ll tell you what the difference was. I LISTENED TO HIM! I didn’t bombard him with personal questions. I didn’t fob him off when he went on a ramble. I didn’t treat him like the unit mascot. I didn’t mess his hair, calling him ‘Pretty Boy’.  I respected the person, not just his brain... it earned me his trust, and that is something that young man... yes, young man, not BOY... has had very few reasons to give over the years.

“Did you ever wonder why he built walls around himself? You’re a bunch of profilers; it can’t be all that difficult to figure out. Child genius? All people ever wanted out of him was the information held within his brain and its phenomenal processing speed. All his life, he’s either been bullied or used. Couple that with the images we see on an almost daily basis... he was bound to crack at some time.

“Do any of you know _anything_ personal about him, other than his home address, or what you can find on the internet?” He homed in on Garcia, knowing from Spencer that she had used her technical skills to find out what she could. “Believe me, there’s plenty out there, but none of it tells you about Spencer Reid, the man. Did you know his favorite color or his thoughts on people and the universe? All Strauss saw when she recruited him was a bunch of brownie points. What did you see in him?”

As Rossi asked that question, he looked straight at Morgan, who was sitting opposite him. Rossi’s hard gaze made Morgan shrink back into his chair a little.

He let his words sink in for a minute before continuing.

“It’s irrelevant now. He’s gone, and it’s most unlikely that he’ll be coming back... at least not to the BAU.”

“Where’s he gone?” The inquisitive but small voice of Garcia asked the question they all wanted to know the answer to.

“Europe. And no, I don’t know when he’ll be coming back to the good ol’ US of A.”

Rossi turned from the table. “Good luck finding a replacement. Call me when we have a case.”

Rossi left the building and went home, feeling a little guilty himself. Not because he’d torn a strip out of his colleagues, but because he too should have realized what was going on in Reid’s head and seen the signs sooner.  All he could do now was damage control. He was going to do his best to ensure Spencer found a much healthier state of mind, and that his mother was well looked after in his absence. He had the funds, and in true Italian style, he looked after those he considered to be his family.

***

**_Chapter 2 - Chess_ **

During the following weeks and months, the team went through a period of reflection. One by one, they debated their actions, both internally and within the group; what they could have changed, what they felt they had no choice over. They blamed both Reid and themselves for the way it all ended up. Deep down, they all knew that Rossi had been right when he accused them of primarily keeping him around for his brain, and for that they felt guilty.

On the positive side of things, they ceased to become complacent about their abilities. They looked after each other even more, both mentally and physically, realizing that they worked within a unique set of conditions, and that they had to help each other.

Hotch noticed the change within the team. They had always been good, but now they profiled on a different level, even better than before. They thought more outside the box and from more varied point of views. They didn’t rely purely on the published word; instead they persevered to think more like the unsub. These small changes made them an even bigger force to be reckoned with. All this was due to their incident with Reid and the experience of Rossi. He too, was a better leader as a result.

Morgan looked within more than the others. What exactly had he seen in Reid? That particular line of Rossi’s had stuck with him. Had he seen a colleague, a brain, someone who needed protecting, a boy, a man... or something more? What was it that Reid evoked in him?

Why did he call him ‘Pretty Boy’? Was it a term of endearment or was there more to it?

Everyone had their secrets… Morgan’s was that he was bi. He loved men and women alike, but he felt that his reputation, and place within the FBI as the hard man, would be compromised if he let it be known that he liked guys, too.  It was a side of him that he hadn’t explored since college. Whenever he saw a guy he liked, he dug a hole and buried the resulting urges, no matter how strong they may be. Could he have tried harder to get to know Reid? The answer had to be; yes, he could have. But had he been too scared to try, for fear he may want more?

One thing he did know, was the day he saw Reid disappear in the lift crying, was the day his heart started thumping that much harder. The mere thought of not seeing him or feeling his soft hair in his hands again was not something he wanted to contemplate. But he had to. He knew Reid was leaving, and a huge part of him wanted to stop him. He tried, but fate worked against him. The question he had to know for sure was; why? 

The team hadn’t appreciated what a special thing they had in Dr. Spencer Reid until he wasn’t there anymore.  They tried to replace him, but to no avail. They managed to hire, for the department as a whole, specialists in the fields of geographical, cryptology, and pattern profiling. They were good, but it took more communication to come to the same conclusions. Spencer had been all three rolled into one, and given his brain speed, all the clues were put together much quicker. Not only that, but Spencer had been theirs.

Morgan still felt something was missing.

Needing more than cryptic clues and partial answers, Morgan paid a visit to Rossi’s home. He wanted to find out exactly why Reid had left, what he had been juggling around in his head.

Rossi told him about how the job had affected Spencer, but Morgan could see he was holding something back. It wasn’t until that he confessed that he missed him—not just his exceptional mind, but his smile, his frowns, and his quirky ways—that he got an inkling of what it might be.

Dave could see that Derek truly missed Spencer––not just the brain––so in a moment of weakness, he threw him a bone.

“The Boy grew up, Morgan, and you didn’t see it until it was too late.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Morgan asked defensively. He was, however, grabbing onto the tiny clue that Rossi had given, and he fully intended to dig further; if he had to.

Rossi hoped that Spencer would forgive him for what he was going to say to Morgan, because he was about to go out on a limb; just as much for Morgan’s sake as Spencer’s. It was about time Derek acknowledged who he was as an individual. He wasn’t just the team protector or hard man; he was something more, just as Spencer was more than brilliant grey matter. Since Reid’s leaving, he watched Morgan—he had seen the internal war he waged.

“It means that a person will not wait forever for something or someone before they consider it a lost cause and move on.”

Morgan’s brain stuttered as he worked through what Dave said, connecting the clues.

“What? Are you saying that he left because of someone in the office?” The look on Rossi’s face made him feel like an idiot. Then, realization hit. “He told you he was leaving because of me?”

“Not entirely. He certainly didn’t tell me it was, nor would he admit it. I may be old, but I am certainly not blind. I am damned good at what I do; I’ve had a lifetime to perfect it. Let me ask you this, Morgan: Theoretically, if you worked with someone in the office that you... let’s just say, had deep feelings for... and all the evidence before you screamed that those feelings would never be reciprocated. How long would you stick around before you found it unbearable and moved on?”

He let the thought linger, as was his way.

“One thing that we both know is that no one permanently leaves a job that they love for only one reason. Granted, it was a huge reason, but I knew that young man. If that was all it was, he would have spoken to me sooner, tried to understand or find a better way to cope. It would have equated to leave of absence, not quitting all together. There had to be something more, something he felt was unattainable or something he could no longer be around. ”

Rossi believed wholeheartedly that Spencer did the right thing by leaving. He would be a more rounded and complete person because of it. But he also knew that Spencer truly believed that no one would want him as a lover. That he was only worth the sum of his brainpower. Rossi refused to believe that.

Spencer was a wonderful human being, and it was only a matter of time before someone discovered and appreciated it. If by letting Derek connect the dots meant that his godson had the slightest chance of being with the person he truly loved, then it would be worth it. If nothing came of it, then at least Spencer would know for sure.

Rossi watched Morgan closely as he stood before him pondering his words.

“Did you know that Reid has asked me to let his apartment go and put all his belongings into storage?”

Morgan’s eyes flew to Rossi’s at this. “You’re in touch with him? How is he? Where is he?”

Despite what Rossi thought, Garcia did think the world of her Genius and had tried to track him. Morgan discovered this while in her office, where he noticed one of the programs she had running was called ‘Where is Boy Genius’. From that day forward, they followed his progress together using his ATM card usage, but it hadn’t been used in over a month.

Rossi smiled at Morgan’s enthusiasm. “Yes, he keeps in touch with me. He’s done most of Europe, but he hasn’t made up his mind as to whether he’s going to go north toward Sweden or south toward Egypt. In fact, I spoke to him yesterday.”

“He’s got a phone, but Garcia...“ Derek trailed off when he realized what he was about to say.

“Is Garcia tracking him?” Rossi asked incredulously.

Morgan knew he’d let the proverbial cat out of the bag.

“Well... yes. She wanted to make sure he was safe, and I... well, we... damn. She’s been using his ATM card because she couldn’t find anything on his phone, even when we tried to contact him.”

“You wouldn’t. He’s been using a pay-as-you-go. The people he wants to keep in touch with have the number.” Rossi didn’t tell him there were only two numbers on said phone – his and Diana’s.

Morgan felt the sting of Dave’s words, and flinched.

“Does he really want to forget us that bad?” he asked, his tone sad.

“I don’t honestly know. Not sure if he just wanted to make a clean break, or whether he didn’t think any of you would give a damn about him once he’d left. Probably a bit of both.”

Rossi saw the hurt in Morgan’s face. “You care more than you let on, don’t you?”

“Of course we do,” Morgan snapped, answering for both he and Garcia. “He wasn’t just the brain to everyone, ya know.”

Morgan left Rossi’s with more information, but even more questions to ask of himself.

Rossi let Morgan go with just a smidgen of hope, albeit a fool’s hope.

***

It wasn’t until Morgan left that some of the words Rossi had said really sunk in. The ones that echoed in his head were, ‘clean break’, ‘you didn’t see it’, ‘moved on’ and ‘getting rid of his apartment’. He’d always hung on to the fact that even if he didn’t return to the BAU, he would at least return to Virginia. Morgan could then pay him a visit and clear the air. However, with no fixed abode, he could go anywhere.

Morgan chewed over everything in his brain time and time again, but kept coming up with the same answers. His feelings towards Reid were still unclear. He missed him; of that he was sure, and felt guilty that he was partly responsible for Reid’s resignation; albeit without knowing it. But with him out of the country and no timetable of a return, he had no idea what he could do about it. It was obvious from his conversation with Rossi that Reid didn’t want to contact him... and that hurt.  His heart and his head were trying to communicate... and failing.

Morgan quietly walked into Garcia’s office and switched off her Genius locator program with the words, “He doesn’t want us to know where he is, Penelope. Let’s give him the space he wants.”

Without further word, he left her office and moved on with his own life.

Nothing more was heard of Dr. Spencer Reid in the office from that date.

***

Another twelve months later, the team was investigating a new case. It started out small, but the more they dug, the more they uncovered. Prominent, wealthy men and women had been killed and found in various unusual positions. They weren’t so much gruesome, but staged. They’d been crudely killed first, by various methods, such as strangulation or blunt instrument, then positioned. The most obvious was the guy that had been hung… upside down. Hence, it was high profile. What started off as two incidents quickly escalated. Deaths soon totaled eight and spanned more than one state. An office had been set up in Washington, as it was currently the location of most of the murders. The whole team was on it, including the three specialists, and they were considering bringing in more.

Dave walked into Hotch’s office.

“Aaron, I know this is bad timing, but I have that lecture I told you about coming up in Boston.”

“Can’t you postpone it? We really need you here, Dave.”

“I probably could, but it might be beneficial if I don’t.”

“Why?”

“I might, and I stress the _might_ , be able to convince the resident Professor to help with the case.”

“Who’s the Professor?”

“Reid.”

Aaron sat there staring at Rossi. He knew that Reid could help, and the case would in all likelihood be solved quicker with him on board. The question was whether he would see it as them using him again. It was probable that he would see it that way, but if by having Reid on board for this case also meant that the team had a chance to make amends, then maybe it would be worth it.

He whispered, “Go.”

Rossi was on his way out of the door when Aaron spoke again.

“Take the jet.” Rossi nodded and was on his way.

***

Dr. Spencer Reid had used his time well while abroad. He spent more than a year away, and visited many countries throughout Europe, Asia, America, and part of Africa. Due to the language and cultural barriers, he had to learn how to communicate on other levels. This opened his eyes to many things en-route; not just culturally, but both mentally and physically as well. He’d enjoyed seeing the world in person and not just from a book. His journeys had done nothing to diminish his love of books. Quite the opposite, it actually increased his appetite.

Reid had been a professor of criminology at Harvard since the beginning of the Fall Semester. The first quarter was on a trial basis. After a shaky start, due to nerves and a student body that thought the Faculty were playing a joke, they gave him a contract for the year. As soon as Spencer stood before the class and reeled off his credentials before his students, they temporarily shut up, but continued with a period of testing. He passed with flying colors.

The students got used to his terrible jokes, and Reid enjoyed the banter and discussions that became a regular part of his seminars. He started their academic year by giving them all the theoretical work, with minor case studies that tested the subject to hand. Later, he suggested that the best way to thwart an unsub was to think like one.  He split the class into groups. Each group had to come up with a scenario that another group had to solve. He gave them other cases too, varying from actual cases to ones he had made up.

Spencer’s knowledge of physics, mathematics, chemistry, and culture came into play with his scenarios. He’d thought long and hard about making his students think like unsubs – the last thing he wanted was to manufacture a criminal of the future.  He even went as far as reviewing and profiling his entire class, even though he knew logically that no one could predict the future.

***

A few months earlier, Rossi welcomed Reids return from Europe with open arms. After going to see his mother, Reid stayed with Rossi. He boarded there under the radar of the BAU team. Rossi could see the young man had developed. He’d grown in personality and in body. Reid had always been interesting, but now he was more than a sum of books and statistics; he had the air of experience too. Due to the nature of his travels, Spencer had also filled out physically. He hadn’t been stuck behind a desk. Instead he’d been out in the open air, walking. Reid was still a beanpole, but he looked so much healthier.

After long conversations, Rossi could see that the young genius was in a better place, mentally. However, he could see that he still tensed up when subjects concerning the team, and more specifically Morgan, were raised.

Spencer’s stay at Rossi’s had only been short. As soon as Reid’s resignation from the BAU had become public knowledge, offers of a new job had started to flow. Rossi’s mansion was where anything relating to Spencer had been forwarded to – he even had his old phone. Spencer had also trusted him to deal with all his mail; filtering it into various piles of ‘bin’, ‘read then bin’, and ‘deal with’. There was absolutely no doubt; the young genius was going to come home to a job. Harvard’s offer had been the position that caught Reid’s eye. Rossi hoped the new environment would give Reid the fresh beginning he was looking for. Hopefully it would enable him to put his remaining pains to sleep.

Since Reid started at Harvard, the two had been in contact - in fact Rossi had given Reid a couple of pointers on how to deal with the antics of a testing class. However, owing to a high case load, this was the first time they’d seen each other for a while.

Dave arrived at the university calm, yet excited to see Reid. Spencer greeted him with the usual hug and kiss on each cheek. This type of greeting was something he’d gotten used to during his European travels. The smile on Spencer’s face told Rossi everything he needed to know about Reid’s state of mind. The young professor was happy, energized and loving life.

They had spent the whole of the previous evening catching up. It was clear to the aging agent that his godson had found his home. Reid had spoken so enthusiastically about life at the college. He loved exchanging theories with other professors, and expanding the minds of his students. The dark mist and nightmares that had plagued the young agent of old had been replaced by light, sunshine and laughter.

The following morning, they made their way to the lecture theatre together.  For the whole journey, Reid raved about the people they were about to meet. Reid looked forward to receiving Rossi’s opinions on who he thought was good, bad and those along for a ride. Spencer had his own thoughts, but it would be interesting to see if they coincided with Rossi’s.

His students were excited to be given a lecture by the great Dave Rossi. They were particularly impressed when their Professor introduced him as author, friend, and his godfather—this had the students imagining all sorts of Al Pacino/Godfather scenarios. Once past the gangster films, they soaked up everything he said like sponges. They also grilled him, to the point where he had to agree to come back and continue their discussions another time.

As the lecture theatre emptied Rossi started to fidget.

While packing his notes and laptop away, Reid asked, “What’s bothering you Dave?”

Rossi feigned innocence. “What makes you think anything is bothering me?”

“You’re fidgeting.”

“I see you haven’t lost any of your ability at reading body language.” Rossi’s comment immediately made Spencer wary.

“What’s up?” Reid pressed, he could feel Rossi was up to something.

“The case in Washington; we need you on it Reid.”

Reid froze, his heart thundering at even the mention of him being back at the BAU. He quickly composed himself.

“Yeah well, that is not gonna happen.”

“Why not?” Rossi kept a close eye on Spencer’s whole demeanor. He spotted the invisible brick barricades forming before his eyes.

“What? You don’t honestly expect me to drop all this, and come with you?”

Rossi kept his cool. He knew this would not be an easy sell. “We’d really appreciate it if you could?”

“No.”

“It’d be a chance…”

Reid sharply cut him off. “A chance to do what Dave? Say hi guys, sorry I left you high and dry a few years ago. But hey, Papa Smurf shouted so, so voila.”

Months ago they had watched the Smurfs, and Spencer had found it greatly amusing to liken Rossi to Papa Smurf. This term of affection from Reid, laced with some anger, suggested that something was going on deep within. Rossi, decided to lighten the mood… if he could. An angry Reid was a stubborn, shut down Reid.

“I’m not Papa Smurf.” He chided with fake indignation.

With a small smile, the sting disappeared from Spencer. “Yeah well, I’m not Brainy Smurf either. You have three replacements... three good replacements. They’ll get the job done.”

Rossi couldn’t disagree with that. “Yes they will. However, victims are turning up too fast. It’s becoming hard to keep our heads above water. We need you Reid. You have the ability to see the whole picture and piece it together quicker than anyone I know… much quicker than three individuals.”

“So, you need my brain, not me.”

Rossi reprimanded Spencer for venturing down that road – it was an old argument. But he also agreed that Reid’s unique qualities would probably bring the case to a conclusion, sooner rather than later.

Sometimes the best way to get through to Reid was with logic rather than sentiment. This is what Rossi used during the following quarter to half hour. He gave him snippets about the case that would stimulate his curiosity. Providing reasons why one brain would be better than three; it would be especially effective when combined with said three. With some persuasion, Reid conceded to help, but suggested he do it from Boston, and only with the approval of the Harvard hierarchy. 

Something was still holding the young professor back. Spencer was good at hiding things. Other people may be fooled, but not a seasoned profiler like Rossi. Especially one that knew Reid as well as he did.

Rossi was satisfied that he’d finally managed to get Reid on board. Now all he had to do was get him to Washington. Rossi himself felt conflicted. His protectiveness over Spencer, wanted to shield him from the possibility of opening wounds that he suspected may not be fully healed. Reid’s own sharp replies had attested to that. The case, however, needed him. Every voice inside him was telling him to get the young genius to Washington. Somehow he had to find a way to achieve both.

Rossi’s instincts told him that it was time to bring out the big guns. It was time to make Spencer face some realities that he probably wanted to avoid at all costs. Only by getting Reid to face his demons, could he ever hope to conquer them. Yet, he felt the need to provide his godson with some sort of security blanket. It was going to be a delicate operation. Usually, once Reid’s mind was made up over something, there were very few areas of persuasion that could be used to alter the outcome.

Spencer was wary of helping. He’d come to terms with and successfully compartmentalized practically everything that had happened while in the BAU. It worked fine for him in the job he currently held, but would not help him facing his former team. That was a prospect that filled his stomach with butterflies and knots. Just the thought of seeing Morgan in close proximity, had his heart clenching. Time had made a positive difference. However, it had been the distance between them that had been the key. That distance and the new life he had, made it possible for Spencer to cope and move on.

Students for another lecture started to fill the theatre.

“Do you have another lecture today?” Rossi asked as they ambled out of the room.

“No, that’s me done. I have two tomorrow, but not today.”

“Excellent. Do you have somewhere we can talk in private?”

Spencer sighed. He knew that what was to come, would not be pleasant. The tone Rossi used, and the fact that he wanted to talk in private, suggested that either battle, or a very skilled game of verbal chess, was about to commence. The question was; who would be the victor?

 

**_Chapter 3 – Face your Demons_ **

Almost three days after leaving, Rossi strolled into the bullpen of the Washington office. His timing was perfect. He arrived during a ‘throw any idea on the table’ session. Conversation stopped as he took his seat, throwing Aaron a glance and a brief smile.

“Have a nice break?” Prentiss jibed.

The team had been more than a little miffed at Rossi taking off in the middle of a case. When they discovered it was to give a lecture, they’d voiced their concerns to their team leader. Given what was at stake, Aaron hadn’t enlightened them as to his alternate purpose. The team knew Rossi was going to Harvard, but they’d been so wrapped up with work, that they didn’t looked into it any further.

“Yes, thank you,” Dave, politely and sweetly, answered. “Any progress?”

Hotch sounded frustrated. “No. Two more bodies have turned up. We’ve hit a brick wall.”

Rossi couldn’t keep the satisfactory tone out of his voice. “Good thing I brought some help, then.”

“You brought back students to help on a case like this?” Morgan assumed, unbelievingly.

“Not just any student. I brought back one very bright student and his professor. In fact, they’re already working on the case in the other room.”

Aaron backed up Rossi. He admitted that he let him go to Harvard in the hope that he’d bring someone back with him; they’d already been cleared to work the case. He gave Dave the nod to make the announcement he could see he was itching to make.

“I’ve brought back with me Daniel Morecombe. He’s a student at the top of his class, and majoring in criminology. His Professor consented to come, too... Dr. Spencer Reid.”

There was a gasp... silence... then they all bolted from their seats toward the door.

Soon, the bullpen was clear of all agents, except for Rossi and Hotch.

“Well done. How did you manage it?” Aaron asked, clearly curious.

“That, my friend, is a state secret.” Rossi took a deep breath. “However, I will say that Reid is one stubborn young man, that is harder to crack than an un-cooperative unsub.”

“But you did it,” Hotch commented, with admiration.

“You can never tell what a wily old bastard like me has up his sleeve.”

“Whatever it was, it worked.”

“Only just, Aaron… only just.”

Hotch knew that any persuasive tactics used by Rossi would have been in the best interests of all parties concerned.  He trusted his most senior agent to do the right thing. However, if push came to shove, Dave would have protected his godson first. The only reason Reid was here was because he’d agreed with Rossi in some way.

The team came to a skidding halt outside the long window of the conference room. All the research was compiled and contained in this makeshift, information central. The blinds were open, and all was on show.

Spencer was perched on the edge of a desk. He had a coffee in one hand, and a file in the other. Sitting beside him, was his student. Both had their backs toward the window.  Given how their arms were gesticulating towards the boards, it was obvious that they were deep in discussion about the case.

Morgan couldn’t believe Reid was here. His heart rate increased, and it beat louder in his chest. From the back, Reid looked good. He wore a pale grey suit. His hair wasn’t long, but it sure as hell wasn’t cropped either—the typical messed-up, just fucked, young professor look.

“ _That’s_ the great Dr. Spencer Reid that all the fuss was about?” Marc, the geographical profiler bitterly questioned. “Doesn’t look much to me.”

Morgan bit, putting him in his place straight away.

“He’s you three, and a couple of others, rolled into one. The odds of us solving this case sooner just got a whole lot better.” Morgan was prepared to defend Spencer, but he too had issues with the good Professor Reid. However, with a student in the room, he couldn’t tackle him yet.

Marc felt usurped; he was sure the others did, too. He understood the reputation of Dr. Reid, and for the good of the case, was willing to work with him. The fact that Reid was brought in at all, though, stung. He and the other specialists, Blake and Sam, made a good team; he wasn’t too sure how they’d work with two extras.

There was a whisper in his ear. “He’s my godson, too. Show a little respect.”

Marc knew for sure he’d fucked up, and should have kept his thoughts to himself. To piss off one member of the team was one thing, but two—oops.

Hotch walked past everyone, straight into the conference room. He greeted Spencer and his student with respect and courtesy. Everyone outside watched on as Hotch relayed something to Spencer’s student. It was most likely some of the achievements of his Professor. While the student looked impressed, Reid bowed his head in embarrassment—that was the Reid they all knew. With a few more words from Hotch, the awkwardness turned to laughter. Morgan, along with the others, got a lump in his throat at seeing the bright, beautiful, happy smiling face of their former colleague. He looked well... very well indeed.

Hotch gestured to the boards, then to the people outside. Spencer automatically responded, and for the first time in an age, Reid looked upon his former team. The smile disappeared from his face as his eyes met Morgan’s.  Reid took a deep breath to settle his shivering nerves, and turned back to Aaron.

The experienced team leader immediately saw the discomfort and change in Reid’s whole demeanor. So he asked him to his office, before he let him go to do what he did best.

Spencer left his protégé some instructions and followed Aaron Hotchner out of the door. This led him directly into the path of the team. The unease of the scene would have made any onlooker think that Spencer had just seen them all naked.

“Um... Hi,” he said with a small wave.

The team didn’t know whether to slap him for way he’d disappeared, or hug him. For the girls, at least, hugs won. They didn’t care if he would accept it or not—they flew at him, embracing him in a group hug.

That was one of Aaron’s worries out of the way. Three of the six men watching, namely the specialists, were dumbstruck at the affection the women showed the young professor—they’d never hugged them like that. All the women were of a like mind, hoping their embraces would convey more than just their pleasure at seeing the young genius.

Reid felt a little overwhelmed, but gave in and hugged them back. He caught Rossi’s eye, and they exchanged a nod. As Morgan came into view, he felt the overwhelming need to flee. However, instead, he sucked it up and formally held out his hand with a, “Good to see you,” as they shook. Before anything else could be said, he made his excuses and followed Hotch into his office.

As soon as the door to the office was closed, the girls commented on how Reid had ‘blossomed’. They noted the confidence in his walk, and how he looked more like a model in his suit. He was no longer the geeky doctor they’d all first laid eyes on. The cygnet had grown into a swan. They fanned their faces as naughty thoughts ran wild in their heads. The word ‘mascot’ now meant something completely different. Prentiss even went as far as to say that he was now, “every college girl’s wet dream.” To which Garcia added, “Not just college girls.”

Morgan noticed a thing to two as well, but the reaction was not only felt in one place. At that moment, he thanked his heritage that the heat in his face would not be noticed. His designer underwear and tight jeans hid his other response to the new Reid.

While in the office, Aaron tried his best to relax the former agent by talking about his trip and the countries he’d visited. It took a little coaxing, but Spencer eventually opened up and they had a couple of laughs.  Aaron could see that the young man was a lot more comfortable in his own skin. Once Reid got going, his whole persona was more confident.

Eventually Aaron got serious, and asked him the things he truly wanted answers to. How was he? And was he happy? Both loaded questions.

Spencer thought for a while before answering as best he could. Essentially the answer was, yes. There were always things in a person’s life they felt could be better, but he was happier and more at peace with himself than he was previously. He really enjoyed teaching. There were times when he missed the BAU, and for a while he’d felt guilty at leaving.  By teaching, though, he could help provide the profilers of the future, and that gave him something to hold on to.

Aaron also used this time to apologize to Reid for not recognizing how the job was affecting him all those months ago, that he should have been there for him. Spencer thanked him and appreciated his gesture, offering his own apologies for not speaking up when he should have. He finished with the thought that things turned out for the best in the end.  Aaron told Reid that he was really pleased and thankful that he was helping out. He hoped they could work together again in the future, and that if he had any problems with any of the people working the case or otherwise, that he could count on his support.

Reid returned to the conference room and got down to work.

The three specialists were pleasantly surprised when Reid came back and didn’t take over, or pull their work apart. Instead, he and Daniel asked pertinent questions as they worked through the case files. They even asked if the specialists had any objections to him combining their information onto one large board.

Spencer used Daniel like an assistant. The boy didn’t mind, because he got to see firsthand how a case was dissected and constructed. In true professor style, Spencer also asked Daniel’s opinion on certain things, and this pleased him greatly, giving him confidence that he was on the case to help as well as learn.

As the board before them came to life, Daniel asked why certain information was retained, while some rejected. His professor patiently answered his questions and encouraged him further in his curiosity. According to Dr. Reid, this helped them all, as it was often the small details, easily overlooked, that could be the difference between cracking a case and not.

The hours rolled by. The rest of the team came back from following and retracing leads. In the process, they watched the young genius gradually settle in. Soon his jacket was on the back of a chair, his tie removed, sleeves rolled up, and a marker in his hand. The scene was like old times, but the person before them wasn’t the same—he was conversing with his peers, and they were responding positively to his words. He still came out with long strings of statistics, but now it was intermingled with other stories. The smiles on the specialist’s faces confirmed that Reid had won them over.

Midnight was approaching, and all but a handful of people had gone home. Rossi had taken Daniel back to the hotel; the student had been doing a good impression of a zombie.

Reid said that he wanted to continue for a while longer, and that he would find his own way back. He liked to spend time looking at the evidence before him during the quiet late hours; it helped him piece everything together.

As soon as he was alone, he settled into a seat. With a coffee by his side, he lost himself in the facts and figures on the boards before him. During this time, several theories started to appear in his head.

Morgan purposely hung around, wanting to catch Reid alone. He needed to talk to him one-on-one, but during normal hours, it had been impossible. Whenever he thought he had the chance, there were interruptions, or Reid would see him coming and find somewhere else to be.

Reid nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened and Morgan walked in. He immediately started to move and pack away his case in a rush to get out. All of this was before Morgan uttered a word.

“Oh, erm, hi, Morgan... I was just leaving.”

Morgan closed the door and quickly flicked the blinds shut. “No, you weren’t,” came his sharp reply.

“Yes, I was,” he mumbled, as he rushed past the handsome agent that stood between him and freedom.

Morgan caught his hand and spun him into the nearest seat. He pinned him there with a hand on each of the arm rests.

“No. You’re avoiding me,” he said forcefully, his face only a few inches away from Reid’s. “What I wanna know is... why?” Deep down he knew why, but he wanted to hear it confirmed by Reid himself.

Reid looked hard at Morgan. With a low determined voice, he seethed, “Please move.”

Not only did the young genius not want to do this here or now, but Morgan had interrupted him when he was sure he was on to something with the case.

Morgan gritted his teeth, and gripped harder onto the chair. “Not until you tell me why.”

Reid closed his eyes, and his breathing became harder. Every word, every scent of Morgan’s close proximity was invading his soul.

Morgan’s own heart was thumping so hard it felt like an alien was trying to get out.

When Reid opened his hazel orbs, they came face to face with Morgan’s chocolate ones. He was so close, it was intoxicating. In a moment of wild abandon, Reid crashed his lips to Morgan’s. He brought his hands up to the back of his head and held him in place.

His lips caressed the mouth of the stunned agent until his own senses regained consciousness. Realizing what he’d done to the straight adonis before him, he suddenly felt claustrophobic and panicked. He needed to get away from a man that, by his own words and actions, had refused to move. Reid did the only thing he could, given his submissive position. He brought his leg up between Morgan’s ‘A’ frame... hard. Morgan fell to the floor, out of breath and in agony at his crushed balls.

“Now you know why,” Reid shouted, clearly flustered, as he scooted from the seat. “Are you satisfied?”

Years of anguish poured out of Spencer in the form of tears. He paced up and down. His lips were quivering and his voice was shaky as he half spoke to Morgan, half to himself. Morgan lay on the floor, cupping his broken balls in his hands, unable to respond.

“Now you can be suitably disgusted and stay away from me.”

_I can’t believe I came back.  What were you thinking Spencer, you stupid, stupid man?_

“Why did you have to press me? I could have done my job and left, but, no, you had to force the issue. I knew you were never interested in me, _that way,_ Morgan. You proved it every week with the girls that threw themselves at you, and the ones you took home, so I stopped torturing myself and moved on... Hell, I’m even out of the closet.”

Lying on the floor, Morgan could see how Spencer was slowly but surely breaking down, and that hurt almost as bad as the ache between his legs.

Reid slumped on the edge of a desk, and sighed. “I promised I would help with this case, and I won’t go back on that. I’ll stay away from you, if you stay away from me. I’ll get the job done and be out of your hair as quickly as I can.”

Spencer wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. “I’m sorry, Derek.”

Reid picked up his things and left.

Eventually, feeling returned to Morgan’s privates. He was finally able to move and speak in more than just groans. Unfortunately, no one was around to hear him.

***

Morgan cussed and cursed all the way to the hotel.

Flashing his badge at the receptionist, he quickly got the number to Reid’s room. He confirmed before he left that the room was single occupancy. Within minutes he was knocking on the wooden structure.

Reid opened the door, looking ruffled, tired and puffy-eyed.

“What do you want?” Clearly, his emotional state continued long after leaving the station.

Morgan pushed his way inside, determined to have his say.

A weary Spencer closed the door, and leaned against it.

Frustrated and angry, Derek began. “That’s twice now that you have left without a goodbye, or allowing me to say something.”

“Sorry. Goodbye, Morgan. What did you have to say?” His statement was a mess, but he didn’t care. He closed his eyes to block out the unfolding scene.

Hearing the defeat in his voice, the anger left Morgan, and he moved closer.

“Look at me, Spencer.” Reid ignored him. “LOOK at me, Spencer,” he said more forcefully.

The genius complied; he looked as though he was about to keel over.

“I missed you,” Derek whispered, before he took Spencer’s face in his hands. “Every damn day.”

He placed a soft kiss on Reid’s lips. Then another, and another, until the genius responded; when he did, they were both in heaven.

Their lips, mouths, and tongues made love in a way that their bodies wanted, but were afraid to.  Morgan steered Reid toward the bed and they fell upon its soft covers. Spencer reveled in the way Derek felt on top of him; hard, muscled, and glorious.

It had been too long since Derek had felt the sublime form of a man beneath him. A man could hold him tighter, harder. Spencer held him tighter and harder… and he loved it. Morgan trailed kisses up the long, pale neck and along the angled jaw, before sucking on the lips of his Pretty Boy. The taste of Spencer’s lips was sweeter than honey - probably attributed to the amount of sugar he had in his coffee.

Their bodies twisted, turned, and rolled. Limbs laced and mouths met, as they bathed in the body of the other. They kissed and kissed until their lips were sore.

They eventually emerged from the emotional and physical bliss of their first encounter, breathless.

“I don’t understand,” Spencer murmured into Morgan’s neck.

“Not now, later,” Derek purred as he pulled his genius in closer.

Spencer snuggled in, and the two fell asleep, shattered.

***

By morning, Morgan was gone—Reid was alone. He sat up, cold in his bed, wearing his clothes from the day before. Part of him considered briefly that it had all had been a dream... a very vivid and arousing dream, but a dream, all the same.

He remembered kicking Morgan in the groin, shouting a few things, and leaving. All of that was clear; the only thing that told him everything after had happened was that he could smell Derek on his clothes, and on his bed. He could even taste him on his tongue and lips.

Reid didn’t know what to make of it all. Maybe Morgan regretted their encounter. Maybe it was a one night thing. Maybe... he just had something else to do? Without talking to Derek, he wouldn’t be able to find out. Regardless, he was a confused, emotional mess, and he had to pull himself together before work—he had a case to help crack.

He made it into the office with Rossi and Daniel and immediately got down to work. However, by mid-morning, and despite seeing Morgan several times, not once had the man even smiled at him. It was as if it was a normal day, but with Derek in total frowning, business mode. Spencer hadn’t expected him to be lovey-dovey or anything. However, not once, anytime or anywhere, did Morgan even acknowledge anything had happened between himself and Spencer. Yet there had been opportunities. Reid couldn’t help but believe that he’d been one of Morgan’s one night stands; an itch to be scratched or some... pity fuck… minus the fucking. He didn’t know what to think. Had Morgan used him? Had he been an experiment? Whatever it was… today was business as usual.

Despite wanting to curl up in a corner, Reid took a deep breath and continued with the case. It was time to compartmentalize and look at things logically. After all, he had originally told Morgan that if they avoided each other, he would finish his job and go home.

***

The more Spencer looked at the images before him, the more they reminded him of something.

Rossi noticed the signs and called Hotch, who called the team. Reid was quiet while his fingers drew pictures in the air. Something about his demeanor made everyone stop what they were doing and watch. Suddenly, he jumped up and removed all flags from the map, except for those showing the dump sites of the bodies. Standing back, he looked at the remaining locations. Then, with his marker, he started to draw lines on the map.

Reid started looking around; that was the team’s cue to enter. As soon as they got in, they had to listen hard, because Reid started to babble.

Reid didn’t look at the room’s occupants as he spoke.

“The unsub has either just started on his killing spree or there are more bodies to be found. Either way, what he has tried to do is connect symbols of Freemasonry with the ‘The Nine Gates’.”

Seeing the blank look on the agent’s faces, he took a deep breath and went into more detail.

“The Nine Gates, or The Ninth Gate, depending on whether the unsub is following the book or film, was basically a book about three books. These volumes were owned by three people who all believed they had the original - ‘The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows’ by Aristide Torchia. In actuality, the book doesn’t exist, not that we know at least, but the novel was inspired by Hypnerotomachia Poliphili.  Anyhow, each book contained nine engravings. Therefore, there were twenty-seven throughout the three editions. It was rumored that the book was written in alliance with the devil. It was believed that nine of those engravings were drawn by the devil and when images were placed in order, and followed by a ceremony, that it would summon the devil, or give the person conducting the ceremony immortality.”

“Is someone trying to summon the devil?” Rossi questioned.

“I’d say it’s already inside them,” JJ quietly commented.

Reid looked at them slightly perplexed, but shrugged it off. “No... It’s actually one book that I haven’t read, but I just might after this. I have seen the film, though. In that, nine people die due to their association with the book – not including the unsub. The bodies found so far have been either killed or placed in way that corresponded with the scenes from the film. It makes sense that if only nine of the pictures from The Nine Gates were considered genuine, then only nine of the bodies or intended bodies will have a connection. The others will be have no relevance to the final goal of the unsub - other than as a smoke screen.”

“So where does the Freemason connection come in?”

“There are several connections. The number nine itself. It symbolizes many things; as a product of 3 x 3, it’s the expression of perfection—the symbol of virile power. Some say the number is the number of the one who accomplishes the divine will. The list is extensive, but the Freemasons have made it their eternal number of human immortality. Also being the last simple number, it can be seen as the number of finalization or finition.  The number itself, or derivatives of the number, mean something to the unsub.”

Reid took a gulp of his coffee.

“What our unsub has done is to use three of the best known Masonic symbols, though there are a lot more.  The first symbol is the Masonic Blazing Star. This has many meanings depending on culture. In can be known as the Pentalpha: The triple triangle from the Greek words meaning five and, alpha, the letter A. In Freemasonry, the Pentagram basically symbolizes resurrection.”

“The second symbol used is the Square and Compass. This is widely recognized as the tools of the craft that gave birth to Freemasonry. Some countries use a G in the symbol, too. The G itself has many meanings; God or Supreme Being; Goodness, or the one I think is most logical… Geometry. However, given that many refer to it as the G spot, there are a lot more interpretations.”

“The third symbol is the Pyramid. The pyramid is usually depicted with an eye in it, and dependent on whom you believe, it could symbolize the Egyptian god, Osiris, or the Masonic, Eye of God.”

“The unsub must have picked these symbols because they have meaning to him. I believe we are looking for a man, because of the physical strength it takes to do what he has done to the bodies. Also, the use of the Pentagram suggests that he considers himself an Alpha male, or at least he once was. He held a position of importance in a trade or business that meant a lot to him; hence the Square and Compass. The fact that he is killing suggests that he considers himself to be the Eye of God, and he is inflicting his will upon those who have wronged him.”

“If you merge all three images and put them on the map you get...” at that point, Dr. Reid drew the remaining lines of the intertwined symbols on the map, “this.”

“Where the outside points of the images either end or merge with the other patterns, the number of converging lines equal twenty six. This means that where the body count doesn’t tie up with the lines, more will be dumped or are already there, but have not been found. ”

“Wouldn’t it depend on how long the lines are as to where the bodies will be found?” Aaron was following Reid... just.

“Correct, but as some bodies have already surfaced, we can consider them to be markers for the others.”

Returning to his map, he continued with his previous point. “What this does do is leave two significant points, within the outer points—the bend in the square, and the bend in the compass. In theory, he would leave the most important for last; this would take up one of the points. The other, I believe is reserved for the unsub himself.”

“You think the unsub will kill himself?”

“Yes. In the film, Balkan tries to make himself immortal. If the unsub sees himself as God, or the representative of God, he probably sees the afterlife as eternity.  If he doesn’t, then once the goal has been accomplished, what does he have to live for? There are other possibilities, but those two are the most probable.”

“Alternatives also lie with the area left between the two points...” Spencer shaded the box shaped area in the center of the symbols. “It’s possible that it’s the area where the unsub lives. It could be where the original crime or stressor took place. There is also the possibility that where X marks the spot, it could be the place where all this began for the unsub. There’s a high probability that the unsub would return to where it all began, to conduct his final act.”

Everyone got to work exploring the different possibilities. An hour and a half later, leads were found that took the team straight to the unsub. An arrest was made in the late hours of the evening and interrogation began.

It turned out that the unsub was a man. Ten year earlier he lost his wife and family in an accident while on their way home from work. The accident had taken place in the shaded area of Reid’s map. The man had been a director of a company. However, when the company went public he was squeezed out, and eventually lost everything. His wife took a job to keep them going, and he blamed the remaining directors for putting them in the position they were in.

The unsub ended up being institutionalized for a number of years before being released two years previous. While incarcerated, he had lost himself to the world of Dan Brown, conspiracy theories, and many other things along those lines. The stressor came when another incident occurred at the same spot three months ago. He decided to go after the former business associates who had since moved on, and the original company put into receivership. X marked the spot of the original business.

Only time would tell exactly how many bodies would be found, but only three of the ten victims, so far, were related to the crime. This fact at the time had been written off as coincidence, given the number of other bodies and all of their connection to the business community.

With nothing more to do, Reid returned to the hotel in an attempt to get some sleep. He was not part of any of the processes that followed. Essentially, his job and that of his student was done; the question was what they should do now. The rest of the investigation was purely a matter of procedure.

He’d thought long and hard about his encounter with Morgan. While it had been obvious that he’d been missed and Morgan felt something for him, he got the impression that his reputation as an agent meant more. Their few hours together had just been a moment of weakness for Morgan... a chink in his armor.

Spencer had been there and done that with the secretive parts of his life. He was done with hiding his true self – it was a part of his past. Harvard had been his new beginning. It took a lot of effort on his part to trust, but with the help of Rossi, he’d done it. He now had like-minded friends who he was getting closer to with each passing month. One—Ethan—even had a mother with schizophrenia, though it was only mild at the moment.

He’d faced his only remaining demons, as Rossi had suggested. Yes, his heart was breaking again, and as he relived the memory, tears streamed from his eyes. No, he hadn’t come away with the fairytale. But, at least he now knew what it was like to have Morgan’s lips upon his… to have his body so close that… for a while… he believed that Morgan wanted him as much as he had always wanted Morgan. It didn’t matter how many times he played the differing scenarios over in his head; after all was said and done - Morgan had to do what was right for him.

The following morning, Reid appeared in the office with Daniel. The team looked dead on their feet, but happy that the case was wrapping up.

Trying to keep the sadness out of his voice, he attempted to say with confidence, “We came to say goodbye.”

Spencer didn’t want to disappear again without saying anything.

“You’re going already?” JJ was surprised.

“Yes, we’re not needed here anymore. Daniel has class, and I have a pile of paperwork to get back to.”

“You’re not coming back in the jet?”

Spencer smiled for a moment—the comfort would have been nice. “That’s very tempting, Dave, but a direct flight will get us home with less fuss.”

There was a touch of hurt and bitterness to Morgan’s voice when he spoke. “You mean quicker... Are you in that much of a rush to get away… again?”

Reid saw the widened eyes of surprise on the other agent’s faces. They couldn’t believe Morgan was being so… well, not Morgan.

Before they could say anything, Reid gave his soft, resigned reply. “No, Morgan... there’s just not enough of a reason to stay, and I’d like to go home. If you have a problem with that, you know where to find me.”

There were one or two raised eyebrows around the table at Spencer’s answer. He hadn’t shriveled into a corner; quite the opposite.

Morgan grinded his teeth for a minute before he asked the team, “Guys, can you give us a minute?”

The team knew that something was up with Morgan from the minute Reid joined the investigation. Time was running out for him to deal with it. They were neither blind nor stupid.

“Daniel, I’ll see you out front in a few.”

Daniel nodded and left the room, followed by everyone else. They gave Reid hugs and kisses as they went.

Once everyone was out, Morgan made sure no one could see or was listening.

“Why are you running again, Spencer?”

“What? I’m not running, Morgan.” He started to get angry.

“Yes, you are. The first chance you get, you’re skedaddling.”

Reid felt as though he was being played with, and not in a good way. He gritted his teeth and said exactly what he was thinking. “What do you want from me, Derek? I’m the one that woke to an empty bed; no note... nothing... just like one of your Friday night hook-ups. Dammit, _you_ played with my head, then left me hanging. _You_ hardly acknowledged me the next day.”

“I couldn’t say anything.”

“Of course, you couldn’t,” he said exasperated. “You just came to my room with something to say, then hardly said a thing. You gave me a taste of my dreams and fantasies, and then left me out in the cold to come to my own conclusions... Why? Could it be because your reputation as the ‘Hard Man’ of the department is more important than the shredded heart of a former colleague?”

“That’s not fair. You are important to me; you have been for a long time.”

“Then why didn’t you get in touch, Morgan? Even if you didn’t want to ask Rossi, I’m sure Garcia could have found me pretty easily.”

“I wanted to give you space. Besides, you could have contacted me.”

“And what would that have accomplished, Derek?  As far as I knew, you were straight and weren’t in the slightest bit interested in me as anything but a colleague.”

“But I missed you.”

Anguish found its way back into Spencer. “Believe me; I know what that feels like. But, you can’t kiss me and expect me to drop everything. Hang around in the hope that one day you just might want me. I’m not going to wait on a leash like some puppy waiting for you to decide what you want.”

A lump formed in Spencer’s throat, making it hard for him to speak. “What happened the other night meant the world to me... I will cherish the memories.”

He was fighting back his emotions; he didn’t want to leave the office red-faced, for all to see.

A huge wave of calm came over Spencer. He spoke softly and with deep feeling. “One day, Morgan, you’ll meet someone that you just might want to take a risk for, and they will be the luckiest person on the planet. I hope you find what you are looking for.”

“Three days, Spencer. Three days is all you’ve been back, all I’ve had. I can’t decide anything in that time.”

“No, you’re wrong. You’ve had your whole life to decide who you want to be as a person. My presence, or lack of it, is irrelevant to that. You have to decide who you are before you can decide who you want to be with. I know who I am... I’m a gay professor with a brain as my best commodity.”

“You’re more than that.”

Spencer gave a small laugh. “Maybe to some... but at least I know what I do and don’t want.”

The fight went out of Morgan. “I never thought I’d see the day when you would be giving me personal advice.”

Reid leaned forward, leaving a feather light kiss on his lips. “Goodbye, Morgan. It’s been a... rollercoaster.”

“Why do you always say goodbye to me?”

“How about, see you around?”

“That’s better.”

Reid’s long legs carried him out of the office and past his former colleagues to the awaiting taxi. He’d leave breaking down till later.

***

 

**Chapter 4 – Will You Be Mine**

Three months later, Spencer stood before his students. The topic of choice was geographical profiling.

The subject itself was too big to be dealt with in one sitting. Therefore, this lecture was more of an introductory overview; something to wet their appetites.

Using slides and examples, the young genius broached various areas. How patterns play a large part in the make-up of a criminal, not just in the physical and behavioural sense. A picture or symbol that has become historically famous, could quite easily become part of an unsub’s makeup. Those same emblems have more than one interpretation; it is up to the profiler to determine which representation the unsub relates to, and why. The Washington case attested to that.

He explained that a pattern of bodies can also become a picture; they may identify a travelled route or preferred zone, or even a sign of the zodiac. Nothing was merely a marker on a map. Everything helps to tell a profiler about an unsub’s personality and preferences. Each detail helps to build a picture of a person. Sometimes, only by understanding that person, can their movements be anticipated or a crime solved.

Geographical profiling is one element in the complete picture.

Professor Reid heard the creak of a door opening at the back of the theatre. Looking up, he was momentarily stunned to see Morgan walk in, and quietly take a seat. Even after everything that had happened - he couldn’t help but notice how good the man looked. Morgan wore a dark grey suit, black shirt and purple tie. He reminded him more of a stunning adonis that belonged on the catwalk.

Reid took a small drink to lubricate his fast-drying throat.

Seeing his teachers’ distraction, Daniel, along with others, looked around. He saw that it was Morgan who had entered. He hadn’t been blind to the tension between the two gentlemen during the case; nor had he missed how upset his Professor had been on his way home. Dr. Reid tried to cover it up - though not very successfully. He hadn’t been the chatty person he usually was. Nor had it lasted just the flight home. To a degree, the whole Washington experience still affected his professor.

Other students noticed a change in their Professor since his return, too. Yes, they had given Dr. Reid a hard time when he first joined them; but they had all come to regard him, and his quirks, with great affection. Several had descended upon Daniel demanding to know what had happened while they were away. What would have their Professor so tied up in knots?

For the first two weeks worth of lectures after their return, Professor Reid had been on autopilot.  He mainly reiterated what was displayed on slides. Then he assigned them their homework. There was no enthusiasm or spark to the man or his lectures. Daniel, therefore, gave his opinion on what he believed was the situation. After that, he and his friends did their best to lift the spirits of the young man. Only now was he beginning to smile and return to the Professor they all thought the world of.

Daniel had great respect for Dr. Reid. Before the case, he was impressed by his mind. He was even more in awe after seeing how the man worked. He hoped that Morgan wasn’t here to screw around with his Professor’s head again. If he was, then he couldn’t be sure that SSA Derek Morgan would even make it off campus. Dr. Spencer Reid had a loyal following, and there was nothing like a stoked bunch of students on a protection mission.

Professor Reid finished his lecture in his usual fashion - opening up the floor to questions and discussion. Lots of hands went into the air. Most wanted to talk about why a particular area would be special to an unsub. However, towards the end of the allotted time, a question came his way that wasn’t related to geographical profiling; it correlated to profiling in general.

“Sir, is there a particular type of person that makes a good profiler? If so, what are their qualities?”

“Good question, Mandy.”

At that moment, Morgan’s hand raised. It stayed there till Reid acknowledged him with a nod.

“May I answer that question?”

Clearing his throat, Reid introduced Morgan to the people before him. “Um, sure... Class, this is Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan. He’s from the Behavioural Analysis Unit in Quantico, Virginia.”

Several students looked at Daniel. Their raised eyebrows and tilt of the head almost shouted, “So this is the guy that fucked up our professor!”

As Morgan stood, Spencer tidied up the papers on his desk. The air he was breathing seemed to be getting thicker. Morgan was obviously in his classroom for a reason, but he didn’t dare speculate as to why. He hadn’t heard a peep from him since the investigation in Washington. Internally, he shook; but Spencer tried to make sure the Morgan Effect didn’t make it to the outside of his skin.

Morgan spoke loudly and clearly, addressing the class as a whole. “It does take a special kind of mind to be a profiler.  Profilers look at cases from a different point of view than regular law enforcement agents. No one person can be the perfect profiler. No one race, creed, color or sexual orientation. What it does take is knowledge and understanding. A case takes a team, because it takes multiple people to be able to cover the bases, or see all points of view and scenarios. Even then, the possibility exists that something can be missed. We are only human.”

Morgan scanned the class, making eye contact with a few. “As far as personal qualities go... a profiler has to be able to compartmentalize. This helps get past the shock of some of the scenes dealt with on an almost daily basis. They have to be able to take in a crime scene; put in another part of the brain, then extract and concentrate on the elements that will help solve the case.  Another large factor is the ability to see things from another’s point of view. A profiler sometimes has to get into the mind of the unsub. The trick is, to stop that alternative persona from affecting the real person inside. What a profiler sees, does affect them; it’s how they deal with those effects that determine the kind of profiler, or person, they will eventually be.”

Morgan stopped briefly and turned his attention to Spencer. “But as I recently discovered... the people that make the best profilers; these are the ones that know who they are as a person, before they start getting into the heads of others.”

This got Reid’s attention. When he looked up, he looked straight into the eyes of Morgan. Invisible glue held them in place. He was unable to move them elsewhere.

Daniel saw the look on Morgan’s face as he kept eye contact with Professor Reid. He knew there was a purpose to the visit and he couldn’t resist nudging things along.

“What type of person are you, Sir?”

Daniel was curious, too. He wanted to know more about the person that had the ability to mess with the brilliant brain of Dr. Reid.

“I used to be a very confused one. I had preconceived ideas about how others thought in certain situations. How I was perceived by others. But I sorted myself out, and I’m a better person for it. I now know the person that I am, and what I want in life. Unfortunately, I don’t know if it’s available anymore.”

Another student, Alison, was one of those that had cornered Daniel. She was privy to his thoughts and suspicions. She had her fingers crossed at where this was going.

“What do you want, Sir?” she asked excitedly.

“If you have no objections; what I want is right at the front of this lecture hall.”

Morgan walked down the steps towards Reid.

“You see, a long time ago, a man came into my life. The stupid person I was back then didn’t realize what I had, until he was gone. What I felt inside resulted in many battles... not all of them internal ones.  That same person, that I let leave my life... not once... but twice - gave me some wise words. He told me that I had to decide who I was as a person, before I could let anyone else in. That advice holds true; no matter whom you are.”

Reid’s breathing hitched. He had to sit on the edge of his desk, because his legs became unsteady.

Morgan’s eyes never moved from his as he got closer. Reid’s students knew he was gay, but never in a million years did he ever think this situation could happen to him.

“Are you available, Spencer? Do I stand a chance of being the person I was meant to be, with the person I love at my side?”

Spencer nearly choked, “W-What? You... you love me?”

“Yes, Spencer, I love you... Sorry I was too much of an idiot to realize it sooner. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, even more since Washington. You said that one day I’d find someone that just might be worth taking a risk for. When I first saw you disappear in the elevator at Quantico... my gut told me not to let you go; but my ego kicked in. Then when you left me again in Washington - I couldn’t breathe.”

In a whisper, that only Morgan could hear, Spencer asked, “Why did you leave it this long?”

“I wanted to be absolutely sure. I wanted my heart and my head on the same page. I didn’t want to string you along, or give you the wrong idea. I’m in for the long haul... if you’ll have me?”

By now he was standing only a few inches away from Spencer.

“Will you have me, Spencer?”

Spencer totally lost his voice, only able to nod slightly.

Morgan closed the small distance between them. He laced his fingers into Reid’s hair, gently pulling their faces together. When their lips met, it was soft and unsure. With each following kiss, the pressure became stronger, until both gave into the want that consumed them.

The class erupted into clapping and cheers, but none of it was heard by Morgan or Reid. Their arms wrapped around the other, as they completely lost themselves in the taste and touch they had been longing for.

The plump, perfect lips of Reid were consumed by Morgan. He moaned into his mouth and pulled him even closer. The vibrations alone encouraged Spencer to open wider, giving Morgan better access.

In a small moment of clarity, but without breaking contact, Reid fumbled behind him for the remote. He pressed the button that displayed the last slide of his presentation - the one containing the student’s homework.

Only a few of his students were concentrating enough to copy it down.

Reid had no concept of time. After what he thought was an acceptable delay, he grudgingly separated himself from Morgan. They were both smiling, and extremely embarrassed at the display they had put on for the students. Derek pulled Spencer into another hug.

The young professor shouted out, “Class dismissed!”

“Please tell me your apartment is close by.”

“Um... yes”

While en route to Reid’s place, Morgan thought back to what happened in Washington after Reid left.

***

 As soon as Reid was out of sight, Morgan sat at the desk, feeling as though he’d just been punched in the stomach. His brain had gone onto standby. He was unable to think or process the fact that Reid had left again. Not only left again, but did so believing that he wasn’t enough. He’d left in tears again, because of him - and that broke Morgan. The actual tears may not have been streaming down his face, but he saw them ready to overflow. He wanted to run after him, but his feet felt like lead.

Everyone returned. They all wondered why Reid had virtually run past them to the awaiting taxi. They asked what was said, but Morgan couldn’t answer. His head swam with the thought that Reid was gone. The passion they had shared –– Reid had been his for the taking... but he didn’t. WHY?

Morgan had asked, and Reid had given. Morgan had left Reid; now Reid had left Morgan – again. Only this time, Spencer was under the impression that he had been tried, tested, and rejected. Morgan knew it was far from the truth - but Reid didn’t know.

How could he prove to Reid that he meant more to him than a one-night stand?

Among other things; he asked himself if he could be happy – openly gay? So many things swirled around in his head.

The time for delays was over. He had to make a decision; otherwise, he would lose Reid for life - if he hadn’t already. He had to make a choice about who Derek Morgan was. How he was prepared to live, and be seen in the eyes of others.

Morgan didn’t realize that the team was still before him, asking questions, until Hotch put a hand on his shoulder.

Morgan abruptly stood, knocking the chair over in the process, and ran from the office. He needed space to make a judgment that would affect his whole life - regardless of whether Reid was in it. Would that decision be worth making if Reid wasn’t in his life?

During the following weeks, Derek couldn’t get Reid or the feel of his lips out of his mind. He talked to two men about it - Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi. Aaron, because he wanted his opinion on how he believed the team, and colleagues further afield, would take the news that Derek was at the least bi, and in all probability gay.

Aaron’s reply was, “The gender of who you date shouldn’t affect how you do the job. Anything else is none of their business. However, I can understand you concerns. I’m sure those within the team will be supportive; though I’m positive some agents further afield will test your patience.”

Morgan sought the advice of Rossi - mainly due to his connection to Reid.

Rossi told him, in an experienced and fatherly way, “If you come out of the closet... do it for yourself, not for Reid. If Spencer agrees to a relationship, and it all goes wrong – you will only resent Reid in the long run. I won’t have my godson shoulder that responsibility or guilt.”

Rossi also told Morgan that he would have to do something pretty impressive for Reid to give his heart to him again. Rossi knew what had happened between the two men. He didn’t say anything to Morgan though. He thought Reid had handled everything, just fine.

Morgan initially came out to the team, before letting it be known further afield. His close colleagues were supportive. They almost guessed right away that Morgan had feelings for Reid. Everyone else had mixed reactions.

Aside from getting slapped across the face from some former encounters, a lot of women drooled at the thought of Morgan kissing another man. Others made it their mission to convince Morgan that Het was best. They even cornered Morgan, purposely throwing themselves at him. These women had no shame. They were like cats in heat. Skirts were worn shorter, and necklines plunged deeper. In some cases, they may as well have walked around naked. He was stunned at the time - but thankful in the longer run. If anything, the women’s reactions turned him in the opposite direction... the scales definitely tipping in the direction of gay.

Men were another matter. Some didn’t give a shit. One or two even made passes at him - but none of them were Reid. Others purposely snubbed him. Oddly enough, it was the more vocal guys he found easiest to deal with.

Morgan had always been the master of ‘the one line come back’. One thing all his colleagues knew, was that Morgan was a man of his word when it came to threats. However, some had to learn that fact the hard way.  He’d had no choice but to pin a few so-called tough guys up a wall gasping for breath. He also left some rolling around in pain on the floor. They soon got the idea that, regardless of who he slept with, he was still one of the best, toughest agents out there.

Once the mêlée over his orientation had died down, Morgan decided to put his heart on the line, and go after the one person that he believed could make him happy and complete.

***

By the time the boys made it to Reid’s apartment, they were positively buzzing. Morgan explained en route what happened after Washington. Reid couldn’t believe that he was out, proud, and had conquered his immediate critics. The revelation only served to make him hotter and hornier as the clock ticked.

Before Reid’s door closed, they had already locked lips again. Bags and jackets were dropped on the way to Spencer’s bedroom.

There had been enough talking; it was time for Spencer to fulfil his dreams. Falling to the bed, he attacked Morgan like a man possessed. Clothes were a minor hurdle. Spencer almost ripped through them to get to Morgan’s skin. Shirts were left buttonless and open. Belts removed and pants left agape, as hands delved below the waistlines. This was a side to Reid that Derek had never seen, and he liked it. He let his boy take what he wanted and needed.

All the time they kissed, Spencer’s hands caressed Morgan’s body, unable to get enough of the man’s hard outline.

In a show of strength that surprised Morgan - Reid rolled Morgan on top of him and between his thighs. His hands disappeared into Derek’s pants, below his boxers to his ass. Reid’s long fingers pulled and kneaded Morgan’s cheeks. He was so forceful that his whole pelvic region rubbed up and down, up and down, on the man beneath him. Reid pulled even harder, throwing his head back, mouth open and eyes closed, moaning at the sensations.

With the wonderful feeling of his boy beneath him, Morgan was unable to hold back his desire any longer. He attached himself to Reid’s neck, and dry humped his man in earnest.

Amid gasps, groans, and ‘Oh My Gods’; they both came in their pants.

As his emotions stabilized, Reid realized what he’d done and was mortified.

Seeing the embarrassment on his boy’s face, accentuated by the arm thrown over his beautiful features, Morgan took control. He quickly slipped away to the bathroom, and returned with a warm, wet towel.

He gave words of reassurance to his boy. He told him that exactly the same had happened to him. He suggested it was a good thing; because now they could enjoy each other for longer.

Holding onto both of Spencer’s wrists, Morgan pulled Reid from the bed, telling him to keep his eyes on him. Morgan slipped the open shirt over Reid’s shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. Reid’s first instinct was to cover himself up again, but Morgan wouldn’t let him.

“You are beautiful, Spencer. Don’t hide yourself from me.”

Morgan took Reid’s hands and put them on his own shirt, encouraging him to remove it. Spencer did just that.

He caressed Derek’s muscled shoulders with his hands and eyes. He watched as the shirt slid over them and pooled on the carpet below.

Moving closer to Reid, he kept eye contact, while he slid Spencer’s pants and boxers over his hips to the floor. His own quickly followed.

Without breaking his eyes from Reid - he grabbed the towel and wiped his boy clean, before repeating the action on himself. For once in his life, Spencer didn’t say a word.

Morgan slowly skimmed his fingers over Reid’s abdomen, before lowering them over Reid’s manhood. This made Reid close his eyes and gasp. Morgan took Reid’s hand and cupped it over his own meat. They explored with fingers, but not eyes. As they palmed and stroked, their lips met again - small pecks, licks, and nips. Tender touches ghosted over skin. Everything was totally different to the hot and horny from when they first entered the apartment.

They worked their way back to the bed. Their clothing remained on the floor. When the edge of the bed bumped their legs, Morgan enveloped Reid in his strong arms and softly lowered him to the covers.

As they lay side by side, the men finally took in the whole body of their partner. They may have been complete opposites –– dark and light, muscled and lanky –– but they both had the same thought; “Beautiful.” Even their cocks were different. Morgan’s was impressive and wide, with enough length to amply fill a hand, and then some. Reid’s was longer but slightly thinner, certainly not out of proportion to his body.

Reid’s hands wandered over the hills and valleys of Morgan’s arms and torso. He couldn’t get over how smooth and hard, yet silky his skin was. He was fascinated. He leaned in and ran his lips over Morgan’s hairless chest - letting his breath float over his skin. Reid’s mouth did the touching. His lips and tongue replaced fingers. He smoothed them, sensually, over the silken muscle, before finishing with a kiss. He repeated the action many times.

Words were not enough to describe the sensual assault. He was in a muted dream state, committing to memory every smooth, lustrous inch of Morgan’s body. It reminded him of his favorite aircraft; the sleek, immortal Blackbird. It was the only other thing that Spencer had seen, and touched, that had stunned him to silence. Morgan, however, was even better than the Blackbird. He couldn’t wait to climb into the cockpit and take flight.

Morgan was unable to stay still. He writhed under his lover’s touch, grabbing at the sheets with one hand while guiding Spencer’s head with the other. He was eager to have Reid mover lower, but he didn’t want him to stop the delicious effect his mouth was having. Everywhere he touched left fire and goosebumps in its wake. Morgan nearly lost it when Reid rolled his tongue over his nipples and sucked.

Obscene amounts of time passed, Morgan and Reid exchanging kisses and caresses. Their interlaced limbs revelled in the sensations of satin upon silk. The embers of need were fanned, and soon they developed into an inferno; an all encompassing desire for more.

It was Spencer that initiated the next step, groping for supplies in the side drawer of his bed. Once found, he almost threw them at Morgan. He wanted this more than anything; he wanted to feel complete.

The raised eyebrow of Morgan had Reid uttering his only words of their encounter so far. “Gay 101.” Nothing more was said.

It had been a long time since Morgan had been intimate with a man. He wanted to make sure he did it right. He knew Spencer would be nervous... hell, he was. His careful, thorough preparation was just as much for him as for his lover.

Morgan didn’t turn Spencer over to enter him from behind; he did it from the front, slowly. He watched every expression Spencer made, to make sure he didn’t hurt him. He knew there would be some discomfort, it was unavoidable, but he hoped to soon replace it with pleasure.

Spencer screwed up his eyes; partly with pain, but mostly at the sublime realization that –– not only was he no longer a virgin –– but that the man taking his cherry, was the man he wanted most in the world. The further into his body Morgan pushed, the fuller and more complete he felt. Pain was his initiation, and a tear escaped his eye with pride at the loss of something that could never be returned... it would be forever Morgan’s.

With Morgan finally and completely sheathed within him, Spencer became overwhelmed with the gravity of the moment. He couldn’t stop the trembling that wracked his body. Morgan held him tight.

“Shh, shh, I’ve got you, Spencer. It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, as he peppered kisses all over Reid’s jaw and face.

Derek himself was breathing heavily. The magnitude of what was happening between them was making his stomach flutter, too.

Reid hung onto Derek like his life depended on it, until the tremors started to subside. He flexed the stretched muscles of his rectum to let Morgan know that he was ready for him to move.

Morgan started with rolling hip movements, which had Spencer gasping and keening for more. This developed into small pelvic thrusts. With every action, Spencer relaxed. The pain ebbed away, replaced by pleasure. The moment Morgan hit Reid’s prostate, Reid became very vocal, and the tiger roared back to life.

“More!” he shouted.

Morgan increased his actions, but even this wasn’t enough for the young genius. He snaked his long slender arms around the back of Derek, and smacked his ass. This made Derek snap into Spencer, to cries of delight and moans of, “Again, again... harder.”

This was Morgan’s undoing. If his boy wanted it harder, he’d give it to him.

Hooking Reid’s legs over his arms, Morgan looked as though he was about to do major push-ups. His hips slapped into his boy’s ass... hard. He watched himself disappear and reappear. Spencer was tight, willing, and swallowed him with an enthusiasm he had never experienced in his life before.

Spencer’s long cock bobbed between them.

“Ahhh, ahhh, ohhh, coming, coming.” Reid became louder and more vocal with each throbbing thrust.

On hearing Reid’s mantra echoing off the walls, and his ass becoming impossibly tighter with his impending orgasm, with a growl, Morgan gave it everything he had.

“Come on, baby... show me everything you got... I wanna see that cum RIGHT NOW!”

Reid convulsed beneath him. Endless white ribbons ejected from his penis. It hadn’t even been touched since Morgan ventured balls deep into his Spencer. The beautiful sight, and the sensation of Reid’s ass fluttering around him, allowed Morgan to finally let his own orgasm rip through him with a crescendo that would have put the millennium fireworks to shame.

Neither man had ever experienced anything so amazing. They collapsed, sated, exchanging words of love.

Eventually, they rose from the bed on shaky legs. They supported each other as they made their way to the shower, where each partner tenderly bathed his lover - all the time exchanging small kisses.

On returning to bed, they snuggled under the covers. Wrapped in each other’s embrace, Derek left Spencer in no doubt whatsoever, that he would still be there when they woke up. And that come hell or high water, he wasn’t going to give his ‘Pretty Boy’ cause to be parted from him again.

THE END


End file.
